No one wants to end a show day with tears, yet here we were. I could hear my daughter’s sniffling over the wall of the empty stall as I gathered gear bags, tack, and camp chairs out of the barn aisle and prepped for the drive home.
My daughter had disappeared silently after concluding her rounds at our local schooling show and untacking her pony. She’d had “one of those days” that often come with riding a sassy chestnut mare who likes to share her opinion.
During her warmups, the kid had come off over the pony’s neck, but she had mounted back up and ridden through the difficulties with positivity and determination. By the end of the division, both pony and rider were performing beautifully—but they missed a jump in their final course. In a talented field of fifteen, that meant it was a ribbon-free day.
After completing my own rounds and paying a substantial show bill, I wasn’t thrilled about my daughter’s reaction. No matter how you place, showing is a privilege, and missing out on ribbons is often part of the deal. I thought my good-natured thirteen-year-old understood that, and I had to swallow some frustration as I stepped into the stall.
I took a seat next to her on a pile of hay, hugged her, and asked what was wrong. She said she felt disappointed about not earning better placings after years of hard work. She expressed frustration over what she saw as a lack of results from her dedicated effort.
I held her tightly with her shuddering body draped over my lap, and my irritation slowly melted.
“Why do you ride?” I asked. She listened quietly and didn’t respond, but I knew the answer: “It’s because you love horses. You want to learn good horsemanship and be a great rider, right?” She agreed.
“You didn’t place today, but you worked with your pony until you were riding like a team again. Figuring that out is a much better prize than a blue ribbon. We do this because we love it. No other reason is good enough. If you ride because you love it, you win every time you get to sit on a horse.” She took a deep breath and nodded.
I felt pretty good about that pep talk until a few months later when I was the one attempting to hold back tears at my first out-of-state show since moving up a division.
My horse and I had experienced a serious breakdown in communication during the first two days. We were jumping well, but our lead changes had gone out the window, and we could barely scrape together a decent simple change. It felt like we’d lost months of careful training overnight.
My pent-up emotion finally broke one evening, and I sobbed to my husband about how disappointed I felt, how I thought we’d been ready, and how embarrassing it was to fail in front of riders I respected.
I waited for him to say this had been an expensive trip and that I might as well quit showing if I was going to cry over a discouraging ride. Instead, he gently asked, “Isn’t learning the whole point of horse shows? You’re not failing if you’re still trying to learn.”
Sometimes we need people to tell us what we already know.
I love horse shows, and I love to win. There’s no feeling like nailing a harmonious hunter round and earning a blue ribbon. But no one sticks with horse showing long term for the ribbons alone. Riders who are only interested in winning will likely burn out.
The most valuable achievements in horsemanship get no formal recognition—things like committing to years of patient training just because you love the process, working to build trust with your horse, putting a tough ride in perspective so you can learn from it, and being there for your horse when they’re having an off day.
Horsemanship is made of sweat, effort, dedication, and dirt-stained breeches. Sometimes, it means crying alone in an empty stall so you have a minute to regroup and remember what matters.
Horsemanship is having the resilience to keep learning and to try again when you fail, all for one simple reason: because you love it. Then, if you’re working with horses at all, you’re already winning—no matter what level you ultimately achieve.
If you have a story about how horses or horse people have improved your life, please consider sharing!
Photo by VIAR PRO Studio on Adobe Stock Images.
